Happy Little Penis Stitch

Sometimes, though, it’s a time when I get answers to problems I wasn’t even thinking about. Such as “how should I have responded to a situation I was in 8 years ago”, or “what would be the perfect shoes to go with this outfit”.

Or, “how exactly would one knit a lacy eyelet penis?”

Yeah. I have NO IDEA where this thought came from, but suddenly there it was, perfectly clear. That’s how you’d do that. So naturally I asked the oracle (…Twitter) if this was a thing people would want, and the answer was a resounding YES.

So here we are. A swatch and a little maths later, I give to you, Happy Little Penises.

I considered using the stitch to create a full pattern for a shawl or a wrap, but I don’t think whatever garment or accessory I came up with would be what people are really interested in. Let’s not be coy: you’re here for the penises, and that’s a-okay with me.

So here it is. The write-up includes both charted and written instructions for knitting a single penis (which can be repeated) or an offset repeating design.

I can’t wait to see what people do with it!

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Happy Little Penis Stitch

A versatile stitch pattern that uses eyelets and buttonhole techniques to create a simple penis shape. Drop it into your favourite hat / shawl / sock / tee / scarf recipe to make something a little bit cheeky!

Swatch Details

Yarn: The Uncommon Thread Posh Fingering (70% BFL 20% silk 10% cashmere) in Tea Smoked
Needles: 3mm ChiaoGoo TWIST
Worked: Flat
Repeats: 1.5 in each direction
Border: garter stitch, 4 rows / stitches each end

Single Penis Motif

This chart shows a single motif. You can repeat it however you like, or work it in with other patterns to create your own thing.

The single motif is worked over 8 stitches and 10 rows.

Chart

Written Instructions

Row 1: knit all stitches
Row 2: purl all stitches
Row 3: [k1, yo, ssk, k6] to end
Row 4: purl all stitches
Row 5: [k3, bo4, k1] to end
Row 6: [p2, co4, p2] to end
Row 7: [k1, yo, k2tog, k6] to end
Row 8: purl all stitches
Row 9: knit all stitches
Row 10: purl all stitches

Repeating Penis Pattern

This chart shows a single pattern repeat, which is worked in multiples of 16 stitches and 20 rows.

Chart

Written Instructions

Row 1: knit all stitches
Row 2: purl all stitches
Row 3: [k1, yo, ssk, k13] to end
Row 4: purl all stitches
Row 5: [k3, bo4, k9] to end
Row 6: [p10, co4, p2] to end
Row 7: [k1, yo, k2tog, k13] to end
Row 8: purl all stitches
Row 9: knit all stitches
Row 10: purl all stitches
Row 11: knit all stitches
Row 12: purl all stitches
Row 13: [k9, yo, ssk, k5] to end
Row 14: purl all stitches
Row 15: [k11, bo4, k1] to end
Row 16: [p2, co4, p10] to end
Row 17: k9, yo, k2tog, k5] to end
Row 18: purl all stitches
Row 19: knit all stitches
Row 20: purl all stitches

Hints & Tips

• When working bottom-up, the penises point to the left.
• When working top-down, the penises point to the right.
• This stitch does not work well in the round.
• As with other lace patterns, a relatively tight gauge and careful blocking make all the difference
• When using the offset pattern, I recommend working the first half of the repeat again so it’s symmetrical (as shown in my swatch).
• When binding off, don’t forget that the first thing you need to do is knit. So at the point where your next stitch is to bind off, you will knit 1 stitch, then pass the previous stitch over it and off. That’s 1 stitch bound off.

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